Never Say "No" in China by Sharon Winters

Simply put, in the Chinese culture, it’s okay to say, “I’m sorry,” but it is never okay to say, “No.” If you say “No,” either in English or a Chinese dialect, you will be perceived as a brute. The Chinese say “No” in many other ways. This is a culture that does not want to embarrass someone or cause someone to lose face, and it is a culture in which people aim for cooperation.

Chapter 14 of the book noted below tells the reader how to say “No” by saying: 不方便的Bù fāngbiàn de. [Boo-fahng-be-enn-duh] This literally means “(This is) not convenient.” Another way to say “No” is to say I will study the matter by saying, 研究研究yánjiū yánjiū. [YAN-ge-Oo]. This literally means, “(I will) study, study.”  A way to say “No” that is not in this chapter is to say, “(I) will do my best” by saying: (我)会尽我所能, (Wǒ) huì jǐn wǒ suǒ néng. [who-AY-jin wa-SUE-OH NUNG]

These phrases were useful to me, especially on one occasion with a Chinese friend. She came to visit me at my apartment in Shanghai and, because I’m a jeweler, I had catalogs of jewelry at my apartment. While we were sitting at my dining room table, she began looking through one of my catalogs.

As she looked through the catalog she wrote down a list of ten pieces of jewelry that she wanted. She passed the list to me and said in Mandarin, “I would like for you to bring these items back for me the next time you go to the States.”

I took her list in my hand and said, “会尽我所能.” I will do my best. She smiled and accepted my gentle “No.” And the subject was never brought up again.

The Chinese Have a Word for It: The Complete Guide to Chinese Thought and Culture. Password Books, Chicago. 2000.

This is an ideal introduction to the Chinese language and culture for business people, students, and travelers. It sheds light on the character and personality of the Chinese by examining the meaning, historical significance, and use of more than three hundred Chinese expressions. This practical guide will help readers anticipate Chinese behavior and avoid cultural faux pas.

Comments

[Crystal Gale]

Your post was very interesting to me. Thank-you for the book recommend.

[Myranette Robinson]

Wow! It's amazing how many cultures speak of the advantages of having a gentle tongue. The Chinese have a way of showing it. I wonder if we all adopt a gentle way to say "no" that doesn't embarrass or belittle, how many conflicts will cease?

[Leah]

This is cool, Sharon! I appreciate definitely put a lot of effort into understanding that you are not only familiar with the Chinese language, but also have a personal experience with the culture. You've the language, as I recall from what you talked about in class, too. Thanks for sharing!
Leah

[Terri Jackson]

I visited Shanghai and other cities in China about 10 years ago as a part of Gov. Napolitano's Women's culture exchange program for women and girls. It was a fantastic experience. Traffic was super crazy. One highlight for me was practicing Tai Chi in People's Square early One Monday morning.

I wish I'd known to say "I'll do my best" when I was trying to eat some of the strange traditional foods placed before me. I knew it would be in polite to refuse so I just closed my eyes and drank several glasses of "Baiji", know as Chinese vodka . 😋