Telling Stories - A Radical Act by Nirit Simon

 

Ever since I was a very little girl, I have been greatly annoyed by gender stereotypes. I would be more upstanding, I know, if I said that I was annoyed by stereotypes in general, about race, religion, and so on, but this would not be the truth. Gender stereotypes in particular grate on my nerves and make my blood boil. When I hear someone say, “That’s a girl drink,” referring to a strawberry daiquiri, I just roll my eyes. Yes, I know that lots of girls like fruity drinks, I get it. But college boys like them, too. And, whiskey is not just a man’s drink. Go to your nearest AA meeting and listen closely if you don’t believe me.

A friend from my weekend running group commented on how “Men like to solve problems, and women are good at communicating.” I didn’t feel like arguing about it, so I said nothing. But I couldn’t help recalling how in my childhood I would always turn to my mother when in need of a creative solution to a problem. My mother was like the McGyver of our family, always transforming discarded scraps of material into useable furnishings or clothing.

The other day, in casual conversation, a friend of mine informed me that, “Most men are motivated by women and money.” Technically, my friend was only talking about men. He did not outright say that women are not motivated by these things. But still, the comment made me feel excluded, like I couldn’t possibly understand these kinds of motivations, since I am not a man. I mean, if he didn’t intend to exclude women, then why didn’t he just say, “Most people . . . “? Even when the comment may disparage men in some way, as did the comment above, it still makes me crazy! I want women to be recognized for their rascally behavior, too!

After giving some thought to the issue, I finally realized that gender stereotypes are not descriptive (they do not describe the world as it is), they are prescriptive (they describe the world as the pervasive culture would like it to be). For example, the pervasive culture would like for women to be easily classified as those who can be counted on to nurture and care for others. That takes care of that task! And the pervasive culture would like for men to be easily classified as those who will keep their feelings to themselves and go on about the business of working hard to support families. That should keep them out of trouble! Ah, what a simple and wonderful world it would be if people would just stick to their assigned roles. But life is not so simple and we humans are not so simple. And where do we learn about what really goes on in life if not through stories!

Storytelling is a radical act because in telling stories, men and women stand up in front of other people and tell the truth about their experiences. I loved a recent story told by a storytelling classmate about her experience of being a woman who loves sports. She told about how she is frequently mistaken for a man because of her non-conforming gender presentation, which simply consists of having an athletic build and a physically confident way of inhabiting space. I enjoy hearing men relate stories that reveal a wide array of emotional responses to life situations or that expose how much they treasure their close relationships.

Telling stories is a radical act, because telling the truth is a radical act. We are asked every day to conform, to buy into stereotypes, and to pass on restrictive and limiting beliefs to others around us. But when we get up to tell a story, we tell the world who we really are, what we really feel, and what we really think. Dangerous stuff. Let’s keep doing it.

The image at the top of the post can be found here.

Comments

[LlisRalley]

Nirit,
You are not alone in balking at gender stereotypes. But I have not yet had the courage to tell my story "Not All Women Should Be Mothers" I think you just gave me the courage to craft and tell that personal story. Dangerous stuff indeed! Thank you.

[Genevieve]

Telling stories is a radical act - precisely because stories only work when they tell the truth. I love the way you call this out.

I also love your honesty and your capacity to name things as they really are. Your calling out of stereotypes as prescriptive, rather than descriptive, is beautiful and made me stop to think about beliefs and society.

Stories are descriptive and connective. They bring us together and allow us to touch on the deeper realities that reside within each of us. I have so much appreciation for the stories you have shared. You are gifted with radical honesty and I love the way you use that gift in this blog. Thank you, Nirit!

[ChantelFreed69]

Excellent insight regarding this realm and giving the reading something to ponder.